June 13 – 19, 2022 A couple months ago, our family watched a documentary about cuckoo birds. In a stroke of evolutionary outsourcing genius, a mother cuckoo sneaks an egg into another bird’s temporarily vacant nest, hiding it among the legitimate clutch, knowing the returning parent will lovingly raise whoever hatches there. A cuckoo hatchling […]
Author: Burma Jones
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Tyrolia
June 10 – 13, 2022 After Garmisch, our next stop is Kitzbuhel. I change the car’s nav system to English, which I sense disappoints my wife. But I can’t figure out how to disable the “lane departure warning,” which pairs a red dashboard flash with an air-raid siren any time the device senses lane variations […]
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Bavaria
June 8 – 10, 2022 Dragging our bags through the Munich airport towards the rental cars, I remind myself that no two humans on Earth make a worse navigation team than my children’s parents. If you resurrected every first-week reject from The Amazing Race for an epic Battle of the Losers, my wife and I […]
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Mount Meru (Tanzania)
September 30, 2013 Months of eager anticipation make the purposeless dawdling of our first morning particularly frustrating, as twitching American impatience is introduced to the laid-back, nearly prone, Tanzanian pace of “pole, pole” or “slowly, slowly.” After a late departure from our hotel, we travel all of a mile to a food shack for the […]
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Rainier: Disappointment Cleaver
Sowing the seeds of pre-disappointment, the weather forecast looks grim, with winds not likely to allow a summit attempt. Nat picks me up at SeaTac in a crappy Buick mini-SUV that’s greatest asset is how much Nat despises the gutless thing. We overnight in Puyallup, which is sweltering and thick with the acrid smoke of […]
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Hyndman Peak
With the family away, I hit the trail solo at 7 a.m. (at 6,800 feet) under beautiful skies. I stroll peacefully for a few hours before I run across other humans: a young couple emerging out of the scree field and heading back down the trail. I ask if they made the top. They say […]
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Mount Borah and Chicken-Out Ridge
If you’ve found this trip report, then chances are you already know the basics of the climb, and you just want another account of Chicken-Out Ridge. To experienced climbers: yes, COR “involves no technical climbing.” To non-climbers lucky enough to have no fear of exposure: fine, climbing the standard route can be “a fun little scramble.” […]
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Last Day in Quito
Jeff and I are the only guests left at Rumiloma, so Ossy gives the staff the day off. We Uber to a lazy breakfast near Quito’s version of Central Park—Parque La Carolina—where families stroll, joggers jog, and two exhausted climbers inhale eggs like like they wronged us in a previous life. We wander down to […]
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Chimbo Climb: “Lower Summit”
Veintimilla. Higher than Denali. A Fantastically Brutal Day. The snow surface is Goldilocks good—firm enough that we’re not burning energy breaking trail (or flirting with avalanche terrain), soft enough that we’re not skating on hard ice. Just enough grip to allow more switchbacks to eat into this mountain’s infinite steepness. Perfect for long, forgiving switchbacks […]
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Off to Chimborazo
We head out at 8:30 am for a four-hour drive to Chimbo. We stop for lunch, but the drive otherwise passes quickly. At the park entrance we sign in at the guesthouse and then dodge potholes to the end of the road. It has been snowing, but is clear for the moment. Two porters meet […]
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Rest Day in Rumiloma
I imagine the chaos inside that part of my brain directing muscle repair— Muscle Command: “More quads? The skin won’t hold more quads, Sir!” “Calves?” “She can’t give anymore calves, Cap’n!” “Right, Ensign. He’s demanding too much. Turn up the soreness and crank stiffness to max! Cramp if you need to!” “Ok, Ok, he wants […]
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Coto Summit
Off to the Donkey Races With a full crowd planning to climb, it is not surprising that the hut is loud at 6:30pm—our official bedtime for a night start. I put in my ear buds, listen to a podcast, and try to rest. I may even get an hour of sleep, which is an hour […]
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Coto Summit Night
Chilcebamba to Coto Hut Ossy says he’s running two schedules today: one for the Americans and one for the Mexican pair. Ours is a noon departure; theirs, 11:30. We’re a little troubled by sketchy weather forecasts. After lunch we’ll drive to the parking lot and hike an hour to the Coto hut. If the weather […]
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Rest Day: Off to Cotopaxi
We reached Rumiloma just after noon yesterday. It’s sunny and warm, and it feels great to unpack and dry out wet, muddy gear. As usual, the staff fires the wood-burning stove in our room—totally unnecessary for the temperature, but ideal for gear-drying. At 3 p.m., Ossy invited everyone up to his house to climb on […]
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Defeat on Cayambe
12 hours of epic suck We eat a light fish dinner at 5:30 pm at the high hut. Afterward, Ossy announces the plan: normally the climb begins at around 1am, but Ossy says the nasty weather forces consideration of leaving later, maybe as late as 3 or 4am. The guides will come and wake us, […]
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Cayambe Summit Night
I went to bed last night at 8:45 and read for a half hour. Ambien drops me quickly. I wake feeling surprisingly good and ready to move. Last night, Ossy announced that the groups were officially merged, and to seal the union, we move two dinner tables together and ate at one. While our enlarged […]
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Glacier School Day 4: Hooky
We return to the lower hut and energy rebounds instantly. It’s so much nicer—cleaner, roomier, with Wi-Fi—and not another soul around. Unlike the wood-burning stove in the upper hut, which seems purely ornamental, Señor Juan keeps the one here roaring, and we lounge gratefully around it. Dinner is flattened grilled chicken with potatoes and rice, […]
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Glacier School Day 3: White Wind
Today is a hard day. “White wind,” Ossy calls it—windy mist that drenches everything in its path. Internet forecasts for Cayambe, presumably algorithmic analyses of residual coca tea, cheerfully promise only “light humidity,” which becomes a running joke for the trip. After breakfast, we head up the main summit route, which begins with a brutally […]
Last night is the worst in recent memory. I crash asleep with a ripping headache around 8pm, but wake only two hours later. The snoring of one of the other climbers in the room is unfathomable — loud, erratic, beastly and inhuman. Subsonic waves accompany the audible abominations, causing deep internal vibrations and nausea, and, […]
Today, we leave the relative luxury of the lower hut to slum at the high hut — for three nights! It’s going to be rough, but I’m excited to get back onto the glacier. Yesterday we walked 40 minutes to a glacier to practicec crampon and ice-axe techniques. The whole day is fantastic sport. Crampons […]
Travels With Burma Jones 